LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 30

Day 30: Anything LGBT you'd like to end this on?

So many thoughts are running through my head. I've come so far from where I was 10 years ago. I couldn't even say "I'm gay" in my head at that age. All that I ever remember thinking about was how/when to end everything if thoughts of sexuality even entered my mind. I prayed EVERY DAY for God to make me "normal." Needless to say, it didn't work. But I came through it. I'm ok.

Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go. I struggle with issues of masculinity, identity, dating, self-confidence, but I'm leaps and bounds ahead of even 3 years ago. Life is a struggle every day, but I'll make it. I'll figure it out.

This 30 day challenge has inspired me to record an "It Gets Better" video. It's something I've been thinking about for a while, but now it's something I feel like I need to do. Look for it to be coming soon.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 29

Day 29: SHOUT SOMETHING! IT CAN BE HAPPY AND ABOUT PRIDE OR ABOUT WHY YOU HATE HOMOPHOBIA!

Umm…YAY FOR NOT BEING DEAD!!! That’s what I’ve got. I usually only yell when I’m angry and I try not to be angry to awful often. :) But I think this sums up how I feel right now.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 28

Day 28: Write a letter to someone. It can be a coming out letter or a letter regarding how you hate their homophobia or whatnot. You don't have to send it.

Dear Friends,

I started writing this letter to my family and realized that you are my family and I don't want to focus on the negative. There are a few of them that will be there through thick and thin, but I expect most of them to not be permanent fixtures in my life.

You know I love you. I don't have to tell you that. I just want you to know that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you. I mean that literally. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for you. I would have long ago given up. But you showed me what love is. That no matter who I am, how I fuck up,what I'm onto or not, you're always there for me. I can call you at the drop of a hat and you're there for me. There aren't words to express how I feel.

Thank you.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 27

Day 27: Your favorite LGBT blog/Tumblr/site.

Hmmm...I don't know that I have a particular favorite site.  I'm kind of all over the place, as far as the internet is concerned.  Who am I kidding, I'm all over the place in my life in general.  I guess I'll use this as an opportunity to pimp out a few of my favorite Tumblr's.

Personal Tumblrs:

Dapper Fellow

KSC Redhead (Not always SFW)

Bears and Bowties

The Modern Southern Gentleman

Topic-specific Tumblrs

LGBT Laughs

FuckYeah Gay Kisses

FuckYeah Gay Couples

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 26

Day 26: Your favorite gay joke? (We all need to laugh at ourselves)

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."

The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"

The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."

The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 25

Day 25: The LGBT slur you hate the most?

"Fag." Unquestionably. I can't STAND that word. It irks me to no end when I hear it. I heard it used so derogatorily as a kid so often, that it literally makes my skin crawl. I tried at one point to "take it back" and use it, but I just couldn't do it for long. It's just so hurtful to me for some reason. It definitely doesn't bother me like it did when I was a kid, but I still just don't like it.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 24

Day 24: The stupidest argument/comment you've heard about gay people or an LGBT issue?

There are so many ridiculous arguments, it's hard to choose! I guess I'll list a few:

"Gay people shouldn't raise children because their kids will be gay."

Yeah, that makes sense because all straight couples have straight children.

"If gay people get married, it will open the door for people to marry animals!"

A Taiwanese man married a barbie doll in 1999.  The first country to allow same-sex marriage was The Netherlands...in 2001. Crazy people are going to try crazy things.  Period. Point. Blank.

"All gay people are possessed by gay demons!"

Yes, I've really heard that one.  And I don't have a snide remark for it.  It just sounds ridiculous.

I feel like I hear these ridiculous statements all the time, but these are the ones I remember most.  Someday soon, hopefully we can all look back and laugh at how insane people sounded. 

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 23

Day 23: An LGBT image that makes you cry or makes you angry?

I don't really think this needs much explanation.  It just makes me so sad to see that the anger and hatred I had hoped would die with my grandparents' generation is still alive and well in America.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 22

Day 22: An LGBT image that makes you smile.

I can't even begin to describe how much I want to be a dad. 

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 21

Day 21:Political LGBT issue that is closest to you and affects you the most?

I'd have to say marriage equality and adoption are both equally important to me and I think in many way, they go hand in hand.  Not that all LGBT people that want the right to marry also want to have kids, but I think there are many of them do. 

Marriage says to your neighborhood, your city, your county, your state, your country, your world, that you are committed to someone through thick and thin.  It doesn't matter about gender, it's about love. Just this past couple weeks while I was home with my mother, I made the comment that I wanted to get married and and have kids, and she was floored.  She asked me how I intended to do this and I said, "adoption, surrogacy, there are a lot of options." Then she asked about the marriage and asked, "So, are you just not going to love her?" I was caught off guard this time.  It took a second for me to process and then I realized her thought process.  When I told her I intended to marry a man, she said, "that isn't legal." I'm so often surrounded by supportive friends and co-workers, especially in a university setting, that I forget so many people still feel this way.  That is way marriage rights are so important to LGBT people.  Just like not all straight people have to get married, neither do all LGBT's, but we should have the right to.  We tried separate but equal in the 50's and 60's.  It didn't work.  I don't understand why that is so hard for people to understand or accept.  But I fully believe I will have the right to marry the man I love, gods willing we find each other, in any of the 50 states in this country before I die.  But if I don't, as I told my mother, "I don't give a fuck what the state says is legal."  You can't deny true love.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 20

Day 20: Maureen or Joanne? (Or your favorite LGBTQ show or queer-positive show).

Why do I have to pick? I like them both! As for my favorite LGBT positive show, I'm not sure. I love True Blood and there is a strong LGBT presence on that show. And the cast is just sexy, come on. Other than that, I'm drawing a blank. So many shows have such strong, positive LGBT characters.

Queer as Folk is pretty good. Buffy: the Vampire Slayer had "Willow" and her girlfriend. That was probably one of the earliest regular characters I can think of that was LGBT. Bones had an LGBT character if I'm not mistaken. This is hard for me. I watch so much T.V. that I can't really remember. Oh, HawthoRNe has a lesbian nurse. Haha, I guess I'm failing at this.

I will say that I think we are finally being represented pretty accurately on T.V. and in film. I think the fact that there isn't a single stand-out choice is a good thing.

And I'm realizing that the original question said "show" and mentioned RENT. If we're talking Broadway, is there actually a show that isn't at least somewhat LGBT positive?

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 19

Day 19: Butch or Femme?

This is a loaded question and one I have issue with. Who defines what is butch? or femme? I don't necessarily think these labels are bad things, as labels go, but I think we try to stick to them to rigidly.

Personally, I'd say I'm attracted to people on the more butch end of the scale. I like masculine men. That said, someone who is attracted to more feminine men aren't any less of a man, they just have different preferences. And as far as my own personality and mannerisms, I'm pretty middle of the road, probably leaning to the butch side a bit. I like to fix and build things, can change a tire and the oil in a car, do some minor construction, but at the same time, I like fashion (looking at it, not so much knowing a lot), music, photography, design. For some, that makes me too femme, even if I don't identify that way.

I think labels are useful in some ways. As human beings, we need to be able to categorize things to understand them. But we try to cling to these labels, that are often binary, and when things don't fit neatly into one or the other, we aren't quite sure what to do. I think that's something we need to work on as a society. We need to learn that gender and sexuality are binary. And that's there's nothing wrong with that.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 18

Day 18: Something about the LGBTQ community you don't understand or have a question about?

Here's the thing I don't get: why the hell is the gay community so catty. I don't get it. So many times, if you're not a twink, you're not gay enough. If you don't shave your body, you're not gay enough. If you don't keep up with the latest fashions, you're ot gay enough. On the flip side, if you do shave your body, you're too gay. If you don't have some muscle on you, you're too gay.

For a community that is constantly striving for acceptance, tolerance, and equality, we turn on each other at the drop of a hat! It's ridiculous. I was just reading an article today about a male model and half the comments could say nothing but how badly he had mutilated "such a beautiful body" with his tattoos. Really, people? Really? I just don't understand. I like masculine men. I like men with body hair. I like men with tattoos and piercings. But I don't expect everyone to agree with me. Why would anyone else expect everyone to hold their opinion? It just doesn't make sense. And if you really think about it, if we all liked the same thing, the whole community would be fighting over a few "hot" guys, who would only want to date people that looked just liked them, leaving the rest of us cold and alone.

Grow up. Just as we tell straight people that we're different, but still ok, we need to tell each other the same thing. Share the love people, share the love.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 17

Day 17:Your first experience with an LGBT organization or event (Day of Silence, Pride, etc.)?

My first experience with n LGBT organization was at a Pride festival...and it was an accident. I go to the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, TN and my best friend and I, along with our lesbian partner in crime, decided to go downtown to Market Square and get some lunch. We don't live far from there, but we drove, parked, and headed to one of our favorite spots, Tomato Head. As we approach, we start seeing tons of people. Tons of gay people. I was out at this point, but still not 100% comfortable with it. But as we got closer, I suddenly felt ok. Here were tons of men holding hands with men. And women with their arms draped around other women. And all in East Tennessee, not exactly what you'd think of as a hotbed for the homos.

But here we were, surrounded by happy, healthy, well-adjusted gay people. It was a really positive experience for me. There were other people there who had also stumbled unwittingly on Knoxville Pridefest. The one I remember most was a frat-looking boy and a girl. They were on a date for sure, but whether or not they were in a relationship, I couldn't say. Either way, the girl was gushing about how cute it was that all the gay guys were there, holding hands and "being themselves." Her beau kept nodding and trying to agree, but it was all over his face that he was uncomfortable. This said, many students at UT are from very small towns in Tennessee and have very little, if any, experience with openly gay people, especially in this magnitude. I can't say I was 100% comfortable, so I can only imagine what he was feeling. He was polite and friendly enough and I can only hope he was caught off guard and was trying to soak it all in.

The whole experience was great and I went back, intentionally this time, the following year and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, I have to miss Knoxville Pride this year, and I already missed Nashville's, but Memphis' is in October and I'll likely drive home for it. I've never been to that one and it should prove a very interesting experience.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 16

Day 16: A picture for your first LGBT relationship or your first LGBT crush?

This is my ex, Jason. He was the first truly long term relationship I ever had.  And only, really, at this point.  It took me such a long time to be comfortable with my sexuality that I didn't start dating until I was 22 and my earlier relationships either fizzled out quickly or something drastic happened...like Adam, who moved to NYC overnight without telling me.  We ended things on really good terms and both just realized that we were better as friends than partners.  The only picture I can find of us together, I hate because I look awful, so I used this one.  He's a great guy and I wish him well.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 15

Day 15: Your favorite LGBT quote?

Yet again, I don't have one.  Does that make me a bad gay?  But in all seriousness, I'm not generally one to quote other people.  I don't think it's a bad thing for people to do, but I don't usually feel the need to validate my opinions by pulling on the clout of another. 

I will post a link here that I have thoroughly enjoyed since joining Tumblr: HomoHelp.  Lots of good advice and often quite comical.  Enjoy!

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 14

Day 14: Your favorite LGBT song or artist?

I don't really think I have one of these either. In my opinion, most specifically LGBTQ artists just aren't up to par with mainstream artists, and I use that term very loosely. Gaga is fun to listen to sometimes, Adam Lambert is ok (but his stuff never mentions gender to keep it open to all and not make him a niche artist), and there a few good songs out there, but overall, it just sucks. I'm constantly on the look-out for something to prove me wrong, though.

I can't wait for the day that they play a love song from one man to another on the radio and no one thinks twice about it. I always change the gender pronouns and such when singing, but I'm excited for the day I don't have to.

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 13

Day 13: Your favorite LGBT role model/celebrity?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely out of the loop or one of those pretentious assholes that claims to pay no attention to actors/musicians/celebrities, because I do.  I love film.  I love music.  And I have a healthy helping of pop culture in my life.  But I don't really have a favorite LGBTQ specific celebrity.  The celebrities I like, I like wither because I like their music or I think they're hot...or both. 

If I had to pick...I guess I'd say Neil Patrick Harris.  I feel like he is an excellent example to the straight community that LGBTQ people are more similar than not.  He's married.  He has kids.  He's not a crazy flamboyant queen (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesn't usually help convince the skeptics that we're not all crazy).

He also convincingly plays a straight man exceedingly well.  And not just a straight man, a womanizer.  This is great because there is this idea that once an actor is out, an audience can never take him/her seriously in a role as a straight character.  Be completely debunks this! And I have to applaud him for that. 

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 12

Day 12: What's your favorite LGBT movie (or one you'd like to see)?

No questions asked, hands down, my favorite LGBT movie...hell, my favorite movie period is Saved!.  It's amazing.  In many ways, it is the story of my life, if I were an additional character in the story and if the main character committed suicide. 

I went to a church that was almost a carbon copy of the school in the movie.  The kids were just like that.  We had the handicapped kid.  The kid that didn't really fit in because she was just being toted to church by a neighbor.  The gay kid that was scared to come out and his parent's reaction.  The first time I saw the movie, I couldn't get over how much it mimicked my own life. I don't really want to say much more so I don't spoil too much, but it's a definite must watch. 

Another good one is Latter Days.  It's the story of a gay Mormon and his struggle to come to terms with his sexuality.  This one also reminds me of my own life in a lot of ways.  It starts out kinda cheesy and the acting isn't great, but keep watching.  It's definitely worth the wait. 

LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 11

Day 11: What's your favorite LGBT book (or one you'd like to read)?

I read a lot, but I don't really read a lot of LGBT specific books. Most of my reading is about vampires or other fantastical things.  I read Dead Boys Can't Dance several years ago and really enjoyed it.  My sense of masculinity and what defines masculinity has been an issue I've struggled with for as long as I can remember.  This book was a really great resource on the topic, although largely academic.  The book was actually donated to the University of Tennessee Hodges' Library in my name from the University Library System after I'd worked in the George F. Devine Music Library for a couple years.

One that many people have read is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. That's a really good one.  A definite must-read if you haven't. 

Boy Meets Boy and The Rainbow Boys are another couple books I'd like to read.