Day 30: Anything LGBT you'd like to end this on?
So many thoughts are running through my head. I've come so far from where I was 10 years ago. I couldn't even say "I'm gay" in my head at that age. All that I ever remember thinking about was how/when to end everything if thoughts of sexuality even entered my mind. I prayed EVERY DAY for God to make me "normal." Needless to say, it didn't work. But I came through it. I'm ok.
Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go. I struggle with issues of masculinity, identity, dating, self-confidence, but I'm leaps and bounds ahead of even 3 years ago. Life is a struggle every day, but I'll make it. I'll figure it out.
This 30 day challenge has inspired me to record an "It Gets Better" video. It's something I've been thinking about for a while, but now it's something I feel like I need to do. Look for it to be coming soon.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 29
Day 29: SHOUT SOMETHING! IT CAN BE HAPPY AND ABOUT PRIDE OR ABOUT WHY YOU HATE HOMOPHOBIA!
Umm…YAY FOR NOT BEING DEAD!!! That’s what I’ve got. I usually only yell when I’m angry and I try not to be angry to awful often. :) But I think this sums up how I feel right now.
Umm…YAY FOR NOT BEING DEAD!!! That’s what I’ve got. I usually only yell when I’m angry and I try not to be angry to awful often. :) But I think this sums up how I feel right now.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 28
Day 28: Write a letter to someone. It can be a coming out letter or a letter regarding how you hate their homophobia or whatnot. You don't have to send it.
Dear Friends,
I started writing this letter to my family and realized that you are my family and I don't want to focus on the negative. There are a few of them that will be there through thick and thin, but I expect most of them to not be permanent fixtures in my life.
You know I love you. I don't have to tell you that. I just want you to know that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you. I mean that literally. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for you. I would have long ago given up. But you showed me what love is. That no matter who I am, how I fuck up,what I'm onto or not, you're always there for me. I can call you at the drop of a hat and you're there for me. There aren't words to express how I feel.
Thank you.
Dear Friends,
I started writing this letter to my family and realized that you are my family and I don't want to focus on the negative. There are a few of them that will be there through thick and thin, but I expect most of them to not be permanent fixtures in my life.
You know I love you. I don't have to tell you that. I just want you to know that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you. I mean that literally. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for you. I would have long ago given up. But you showed me what love is. That no matter who I am, how I fuck up,what I'm onto or not, you're always there for me. I can call you at the drop of a hat and you're there for me. There aren't words to express how I feel.
Thank you.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 27
Day 27: Your favorite LGBT blog/Tumblr/site.
Hmmm...I don't know that I have a particular favorite site. I'm kind of all over the place, as far as the internet is concerned. Who am I kidding, I'm all over the place in my life in general. I guess I'll use this as an opportunity to pimp out a few of my favorite Tumblr's.
Personal Tumblrs:
KSC Redhead (Not always SFW)
Topic-specific Tumblrs
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 26
Day 26: Your favorite gay joke? (We all need to laugh at ourselves)
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."
Monday, July 11, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 25
Day 25: The LGBT slur you hate the most?
"Fag." Unquestionably. I can't STAND that word. It irks me to no end when I hear it. I heard it used so derogatorily as a kid so often, that it literally makes my skin crawl. I tried at one point to "take it back" and use it, but I just couldn't do it for long. It's just so hurtful to me for some reason. It definitely doesn't bother me like it did when I was a kid, but I still just don't like it.
"Fag." Unquestionably. I can't STAND that word. It irks me to no end when I hear it. I heard it used so derogatorily as a kid so often, that it literally makes my skin crawl. I tried at one point to "take it back" and use it, but I just couldn't do it for long. It's just so hurtful to me for some reason. It definitely doesn't bother me like it did when I was a kid, but I still just don't like it.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 24
Day 24: The stupidest argument/comment you've heard about gay people or an LGBT issue?
There are so many ridiculous arguments, it's hard to choose! I guess I'll list a few:
"Gay people shouldn't raise children because their kids will be gay."
Yeah, that makes sense because all straight couples have straight children.
"If gay people get married, it will open the door for people to marry animals!"
A Taiwanese man married a barbie doll in 1999. The first country to allow same-sex marriage was The Netherlands...in 2001. Crazy people are going to try crazy things. Period. Point. Blank.
"All gay people are possessed by gay demons!"
Yes, I've really heard that one. And I don't have a snide remark for it. It just sounds ridiculous.
I feel like I hear these ridiculous statements all the time, but these are the ones I remember most. Someday soon, hopefully we can all look back and laugh at how insane people sounded.
Friday, July 8, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 23
Day 23: An LGBT image that makes you cry or makes you angry?
I don't really think this needs much explanation. It just makes me so sad to see that the anger and hatred I had hoped would die with my grandparents' generation is still alive and well in America.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 22
Day 22: An LGBT image that makes you smile.
I can't even begin to describe how much I want to be a dad.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 21
Day 21:Political LGBT issue that is closest to you and affects you the most?
I'd have to say marriage equality and adoption are both equally important to me and I think in many way, they go hand in hand. Not that all LGBT people that want the right to marry also want to have kids, but I think there are many of them do.
Marriage says to your neighborhood, your city, your county, your state, your country, your world, that you are committed to someone through thick and thin. It doesn't matter about gender, it's about love. Just this past couple weeks while I was home with my mother, I made the comment that I wanted to get married and and have kids, and she was floored. She asked me how I intended to do this and I said, "adoption, surrogacy, there are a lot of options." Then she asked about the marriage and asked, "So, are you just not going to love her?" I was caught off guard this time. It took a second for me to process and then I realized her thought process. When I told her I intended to marry a man, she said, "that isn't legal." I'm so often surrounded by supportive friends and co-workers, especially in a university setting, that I forget so many people still feel this way. That is way marriage rights are so important to LGBT people. Just like not all straight people have to get married, neither do all LGBT's, but we should have the right to. We tried separate but equal in the 50's and 60's. It didn't work. I don't understand why that is so hard for people to understand or accept. But I fully believe I will have the right to marry the man I love, gods willing we find each other, in any of the 50 states in this country before I die. But if I don't, as I told my mother, "I don't give a fuck what the state says is legal." You can't deny true love.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 20
Day 20: Maureen or Joanne? (Or your favorite LGBTQ show or queer-positive show).
Why do I have to pick? I like them both! As for my favorite LGBT positive show, I'm not sure. I love True Blood and there is a strong LGBT presence on that show. And the cast is just sexy, come on. Other than that, I'm drawing a blank. So many shows have such strong, positive LGBT characters.
Queer as Folk is pretty good. Buffy: the Vampire Slayer had "Willow" and her girlfriend. That was probably one of the earliest regular characters I can think of that was LGBT. Bones had an LGBT character if I'm not mistaken. This is hard for me. I watch so much T.V. that I can't really remember. Oh, HawthoRNe has a lesbian nurse. Haha, I guess I'm failing at this.
I will say that I think we are finally being represented pretty accurately on T.V. and in film. I think the fact that there isn't a single stand-out choice is a good thing.
And I'm realizing that the original question said "show" and mentioned RENT. If we're talking Broadway, is there actually a show that isn't at least somewhat LGBT positive?
Why do I have to pick? I like them both! As for my favorite LGBT positive show, I'm not sure. I love True Blood and there is a strong LGBT presence on that show. And the cast is just sexy, come on. Other than that, I'm drawing a blank. So many shows have such strong, positive LGBT characters.
Queer as Folk is pretty good. Buffy: the Vampire Slayer had "Willow" and her girlfriend. That was probably one of the earliest regular characters I can think of that was LGBT. Bones had an LGBT character if I'm not mistaken. This is hard for me. I watch so much T.V. that I can't really remember. Oh, HawthoRNe has a lesbian nurse. Haha, I guess I'm failing at this.
I will say that I think we are finally being represented pretty accurately on T.V. and in film. I think the fact that there isn't a single stand-out choice is a good thing.
And I'm realizing that the original question said "show" and mentioned RENT. If we're talking Broadway, is there actually a show that isn't at least somewhat LGBT positive?
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 19
Day 19: Butch or Femme?
This is a loaded question and one I have issue with. Who defines what is butch? or femme? I don't necessarily think these labels are bad things, as labels go, but I think we try to stick to them to rigidly.
Personally, I'd say I'm attracted to people on the more butch end of the scale. I like masculine men. That said, someone who is attracted to more feminine men aren't any less of a man, they just have different preferences. And as far as my own personality and mannerisms, I'm pretty middle of the road, probably leaning to the butch side a bit. I like to fix and build things, can change a tire and the oil in a car, do some minor construction, but at the same time, I like fashion (looking at it, not so much knowing a lot), music, photography, design. For some, that makes me too femme, even if I don't identify that way.
I think labels are useful in some ways. As human beings, we need to be able to categorize things to understand them. But we try to cling to these labels, that are often binary, and when things don't fit neatly into one or the other, we aren't quite sure what to do. I think that's something we need to work on as a society. We need to learn that gender and sexuality are binary. And that's there's nothing wrong with that.
This is a loaded question and one I have issue with. Who defines what is butch? or femme? I don't necessarily think these labels are bad things, as labels go, but I think we try to stick to them to rigidly.
Personally, I'd say I'm attracted to people on the more butch end of the scale. I like masculine men. That said, someone who is attracted to more feminine men aren't any less of a man, they just have different preferences. And as far as my own personality and mannerisms, I'm pretty middle of the road, probably leaning to the butch side a bit. I like to fix and build things, can change a tire and the oil in a car, do some minor construction, but at the same time, I like fashion (looking at it, not so much knowing a lot), music, photography, design. For some, that makes me too femme, even if I don't identify that way.
I think labels are useful in some ways. As human beings, we need to be able to categorize things to understand them. But we try to cling to these labels, that are often binary, and when things don't fit neatly into one or the other, we aren't quite sure what to do. I think that's something we need to work on as a society. We need to learn that gender and sexuality are binary. And that's there's nothing wrong with that.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 18
Day 18: Something about the LGBTQ community you don't understand or have a question about?
Here's the thing I don't get: why the hell is the gay community so catty. I don't get it. So many times, if you're not a twink, you're not gay enough. If you don't shave your body, you're not gay enough. If you don't keep up with the latest fashions, you're ot gay enough. On the flip side, if you do shave your body, you're too gay. If you don't have some muscle on you, you're too gay.
For a community that is constantly striving for acceptance, tolerance, and equality, we turn on each other at the drop of a hat! It's ridiculous. I was just reading an article today about a male model and half the comments could say nothing but how badly he had mutilated "such a beautiful body" with his tattoos. Really, people? Really? I just don't understand. I like masculine men. I like men with body hair. I like men with tattoos and piercings. But I don't expect everyone to agree with me. Why would anyone else expect everyone to hold their opinion? It just doesn't make sense. And if you really think about it, if we all liked the same thing, the whole community would be fighting over a few "hot" guys, who would only want to date people that looked just liked them, leaving the rest of us cold and alone.
Grow up. Just as we tell straight people that we're different, but still ok, we need to tell each other the same thing. Share the love people, share the love.
Here's the thing I don't get: why the hell is the gay community so catty. I don't get it. So many times, if you're not a twink, you're not gay enough. If you don't shave your body, you're not gay enough. If you don't keep up with the latest fashions, you're ot gay enough. On the flip side, if you do shave your body, you're too gay. If you don't have some muscle on you, you're too gay.
For a community that is constantly striving for acceptance, tolerance, and equality, we turn on each other at the drop of a hat! It's ridiculous. I was just reading an article today about a male model and half the comments could say nothing but how badly he had mutilated "such a beautiful body" with his tattoos. Really, people? Really? I just don't understand. I like masculine men. I like men with body hair. I like men with tattoos and piercings. But I don't expect everyone to agree with me. Why would anyone else expect everyone to hold their opinion? It just doesn't make sense. And if you really think about it, if we all liked the same thing, the whole community would be fighting over a few "hot" guys, who would only want to date people that looked just liked them, leaving the rest of us cold and alone.
Grow up. Just as we tell straight people that we're different, but still ok, we need to tell each other the same thing. Share the love people, share the love.
Monday, June 27, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 17
Day 17:Your first experience with an LGBT organization or event (Day of Silence, Pride, etc.)?
My first experience with n LGBT organization was at a Pride festival...and it was an accident. I go to the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, TN and my best friend and I, along with our lesbian partner in crime, decided to go downtown to Market Square and get some lunch. We don't live far from there, but we drove, parked, and headed to one of our favorite spots, Tomato Head. As we approach, we start seeing tons of people. Tons of gay people. I was out at this point, but still not 100% comfortable with it. But as we got closer, I suddenly felt ok. Here were tons of men holding hands with men. And women with their arms draped around other women. And all in East Tennessee, not exactly what you'd think of as a hotbed for the homos.
But here we were, surrounded by happy, healthy, well-adjusted gay people. It was a really positive experience for me. There were other people there who had also stumbled unwittingly on Knoxville Pridefest. The one I remember most was a frat-looking boy and a girl. They were on a date for sure, but whether or not they were in a relationship, I couldn't say. Either way, the girl was gushing about how cute it was that all the gay guys were there, holding hands and "being themselves." Her beau kept nodding and trying to agree, but it was all over his face that he was uncomfortable. This said, many students at UT are from very small towns in Tennessee and have very little, if any, experience with openly gay people, especially in this magnitude. I can't say I was 100% comfortable, so I can only imagine what he was feeling. He was polite and friendly enough and I can only hope he was caught off guard and was trying to soak it all in.
The whole experience was great and I went back, intentionally this time, the following year and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, I have to miss Knoxville Pride this year, and I already missed Nashville's, but Memphis' is in October and I'll likely drive home for it. I've never been to that one and it should prove a very interesting experience.
My first experience with n LGBT organization was at a Pride festival...and it was an accident. I go to the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, TN and my best friend and I, along with our lesbian partner in crime, decided to go downtown to Market Square and get some lunch. We don't live far from there, but we drove, parked, and headed to one of our favorite spots, Tomato Head. As we approach, we start seeing tons of people. Tons of gay people. I was out at this point, but still not 100% comfortable with it. But as we got closer, I suddenly felt ok. Here were tons of men holding hands with men. And women with their arms draped around other women. And all in East Tennessee, not exactly what you'd think of as a hotbed for the homos.
But here we were, surrounded by happy, healthy, well-adjusted gay people. It was a really positive experience for me. There were other people there who had also stumbled unwittingly on Knoxville Pridefest. The one I remember most was a frat-looking boy and a girl. They were on a date for sure, but whether or not they were in a relationship, I couldn't say. Either way, the girl was gushing about how cute it was that all the gay guys were there, holding hands and "being themselves." Her beau kept nodding and trying to agree, but it was all over his face that he was uncomfortable. This said, many students at UT are from very small towns in Tennessee and have very little, if any, experience with openly gay people, especially in this magnitude. I can't say I was 100% comfortable, so I can only imagine what he was feeling. He was polite and friendly enough and I can only hope he was caught off guard and was trying to soak it all in.
The whole experience was great and I went back, intentionally this time, the following year and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, I have to miss Knoxville Pride this year, and I already missed Nashville's, but Memphis' is in October and I'll likely drive home for it. I've never been to that one and it should prove a very interesting experience.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 16
Day 16: A picture for
your first LGBT relationship or your first LGBT crush?
This is my ex, Jason. He was the first truly long term relationship I ever had. And only, really, at this point. It took me such a long time to be comfortable with my sexuality that I didn't start dating until I was 22 and my earlier relationships either fizzled out quickly or something drastic happened...like Adam, who moved to NYC overnight without telling me. We ended things on really good terms and both just realized that we were better as friends than partners. The only picture I can find of us together, I hate because I look awful, so I used this one. He's a great guy and I wish him well.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 15
Day 15: Your favorite LGBT quote?
Yet again, I don't have one. Does that make me a bad gay? But in all seriousness, I'm not generally one to quote other people. I don't think it's a bad thing for people to do, but I don't usually feel the need to validate my opinions by pulling on the clout of another.
I will post a link here that I have thoroughly enjoyed since joining Tumblr: HomoHelp. Lots of good advice and often quite comical. Enjoy!
Friday, June 24, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 14
Day 14: Your favorite LGBT song or artist?
I don't really think I have one of these either. In my opinion, most specifically LGBTQ artists just aren't up to par with mainstream artists, and I use that term very loosely. Gaga is fun to listen to sometimes, Adam Lambert is ok (but his stuff never mentions gender to keep it open to all and not make him a niche artist), and there a few good songs out there, but overall, it just sucks. I'm constantly on the look-out for something to prove me wrong, though.
I can't wait for the day that they play a love song from one man to another on the radio and no one thinks twice about it. I always change the gender pronouns and such when singing, but I'm excited for the day I don't have to.
I don't really think I have one of these either. In my opinion, most specifically LGBTQ artists just aren't up to par with mainstream artists, and I use that term very loosely. Gaga is fun to listen to sometimes, Adam Lambert is ok (but his stuff never mentions gender to keep it open to all and not make him a niche artist), and there a few good songs out there, but overall, it just sucks. I'm constantly on the look-out for something to prove me wrong, though.
I can't wait for the day that they play a love song from one man to another on the radio and no one thinks twice about it. I always change the gender pronouns and such when singing, but I'm excited for the day I don't have to.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 13
Day 13: Your favorite LGBT role model/celebrity?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely out of the loop or one of those pretentious assholes that claims to pay no attention to actors/musicians/celebrities, because I do. I love film. I love music. And I have a healthy helping of pop culture in my life. But I don't really have a favorite LGBTQ specific celebrity. The celebrities I like, I like wither because I like their music or I think they're hot...or both.
If I had to pick...I guess I'd say Neil Patrick Harris. I feel like he is an excellent example to the straight community that LGBTQ people are more similar than not. He's married. He has kids. He's not a crazy flamboyant queen (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesn't usually help convince the skeptics that we're not all crazy).
He also convincingly plays a straight man exceedingly well. And not just a straight man, a womanizer. This is great because there is this idea that once an actor is out, an audience can never take him/her seriously in a role as a straight character. Be completely debunks this! And I have to applaud him for that.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 12
Day 12: What's your favorite LGBT movie (or one you'd like to see)?
No questions asked, hands down, my favorite LGBT movie...hell, my favorite movie period is Saved!. It's amazing. In many ways, it is the story of my life, if I were an additional character in the story and if the main character committed suicide.
I went to a church that was almost a carbon copy of the school in the movie. The kids were just like that. We had the handicapped kid. The kid that didn't really fit in because she was just being toted to church by a neighbor. The gay kid that was scared to come out and his parent's reaction. The first time I saw the movie, I couldn't get over how much it mimicked my own life. I don't really want to say much more so I don't spoil too much, but it's a definite must watch.
Another good one is Latter Days. It's the story of a gay Mormon and his struggle to come to terms with his sexuality. This one also reminds me of my own life in a lot of ways. It starts out kinda cheesy and the acting isn't great, but keep watching. It's definitely worth the wait.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 11
Day 11: What's your favorite LGBT book (or one you'd like to read)?
I read a lot, but I don't really read a lot of LGBT specific books. Most of my reading is about vampires or other fantastical things. I read Dead Boys Can't Dance several years ago and really enjoyed it. My sense of masculinity and what defines masculinity has been an issue I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. This book was a really great resource on the topic, although largely academic. The book was actually donated to the University of Tennessee Hodges' Library in my name from the University Library System after I'd worked in the George F. Devine Music Library for a couple years.
One that many people have read is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. That's a really good one. A definite must-read if you haven't.
Boy Meets Boy and The Rainbow Boys are another couple books I'd like to read.
Monday, June 20, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 10
Day 10: What does marriage mean to you?
As cheesy as it sounds, to me, marriage means love. It means that I have committed my life to someone and intend to be with them forever. Through thick and thin, good and bad, richer or poorer. I have no illusion that there aren't ups and downs or that marriage magically changes a person, but it's s symbol. It's a symbol to each other, to the community, the state, the nation, and the universe that these 2 souls are truly committed to each other.
Do I think that everyone has to or should get married? No, of course not. Some people aren't meant to be monogamous or in that kind of commitment. But should everyone have the right ot get married? Absolutely. And as far as that goes, if more than 2 people want to get married, they should have that right (more thoughts on that here).
Marriage is a societal institution. In some cases, it is a religious institution. But not only religious straight people get married. There is no differentiation in terminology for atheist couples. And the second the government handed out the first marriage "license," it ceased being a purely religious practice. Hell, in most of modern society, it was more of a business transaction or a peace agreement than about love. It wasn't until the 1940's and 1950's in the West that it truly became about love. So, the idea we have of marriage really isn't all that old.
And each generation defines what marriage is. People like to argue that it is an ancient institution, but it wasn't until about 1970 that people of different races could marry each other. And now we see how ridiculous that prohibition was. I full believe in 50 years, children will be confused as to what all the argument was about.
As cheesy as it sounds, to me, marriage means love. It means that I have committed my life to someone and intend to be with them forever. Through thick and thin, good and bad, richer or poorer. I have no illusion that there aren't ups and downs or that marriage magically changes a person, but it's s symbol. It's a symbol to each other, to the community, the state, the nation, and the universe that these 2 souls are truly committed to each other.
Do I think that everyone has to or should get married? No, of course not. Some people aren't meant to be monogamous or in that kind of commitment. But should everyone have the right ot get married? Absolutely. And as far as that goes, if more than 2 people want to get married, they should have that right (more thoughts on that here).
Marriage is a societal institution. In some cases, it is a religious institution. But not only religious straight people get married. There is no differentiation in terminology for atheist couples. And the second the government handed out the first marriage "license," it ceased being a purely religious practice. Hell, in most of modern society, it was more of a business transaction or a peace agreement than about love. It wasn't until the 1940's and 1950's in the West that it truly became about love. So, the idea we have of marriage really isn't all that old.
And each generation defines what marriage is. People like to argue that it is an ancient institution, but it wasn't until about 1970 that people of different races could marry each other. And now we see how ridiculous that prohibition was. I full believe in 50 years, children will be confused as to what all the argument was about.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 9
Day 9:What do you think about LGBT Pride? Is it helpful or hurtful? Encourage or unnecessary?
This is kind of a loaded question and there’s no real straightforward answer. I think LGBT Pride started for a very good reason: to bring awareness to the plight of LGBT individuals to the masses. And I think that showing our strength with numbers is still a good idea. It shows young people who haven’t come out yet that there is a world of people out there who love and accept them for who they are, even if their own families don’t. I think it would be a shame to lose that. However, so often Pride festivals have become nothing but a center for hedonism and debauchery. By all means, be who you are. But when you are representing the whole community, remember that that is what you are doing. There is national and international media there. Kissing, even making out is one thing, but some of the other stuff that goes on is too much for the public eye. It does nothing but give the opposition the ammunition it needs to scare people into discrimination. It fuels the fire of the “ministers” that declare “they eat the poo-poo!“So, I guess it can be oth helpful and harmful.
Is it necessary? Unfortunately, I have to say yes. I think that we should have pride in who we are and bot be ashamed of who we are. That said, I don’t see hte need to broadcast it from the rooftops at every opportunity. If you’re gay, great! Be gay! But don’t bring it up at every opportunity. People get tired of hearing it and you start to look like you’re playing the victim. Have some balls (or really solid labia, for my lesbian friends), but don’t rub it in people’s faces. There’s no need for that . But don’t shy away from it. If you feel it necessary to disclose, go for it. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way, but don’t feel the need to hide in the shadows. That’s a miserable life and I’ve been there.
I guess the moral of all this is that there is a happy medium. Out and proud? Yes. Intentionally flamboyant and over-the-top? No.
This is kind of a loaded question and there’s no real straightforward answer. I think LGBT Pride started for a very good reason: to bring awareness to the plight of LGBT individuals to the masses. And I think that showing our strength with numbers is still a good idea. It shows young people who haven’t come out yet that there is a world of people out there who love and accept them for who they are, even if their own families don’t. I think it would be a shame to lose that. However, so often Pride festivals have become nothing but a center for hedonism and debauchery. By all means, be who you are. But when you are representing the whole community, remember that that is what you are doing. There is national and international media there. Kissing, even making out is one thing, but some of the other stuff that goes on is too much for the public eye. It does nothing but give the opposition the ammunition it needs to scare people into discrimination. It fuels the fire of the “ministers” that declare “they eat the poo-poo!“So, I guess it can be oth helpful and harmful.
Is it necessary? Unfortunately, I have to say yes. I think that we should have pride in who we are and bot be ashamed of who we are. That said, I don’t see hte need to broadcast it from the rooftops at every opportunity. If you’re gay, great! Be gay! But don’t bring it up at every opportunity. People get tired of hearing it and you start to look like you’re playing the victim. Have some balls (or really solid labia, for my lesbian friends), but don’t rub it in people’s faces. There’s no need for that . But don’t shy away from it. If you feel it necessary to disclose, go for it. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way, but don’t feel the need to hide in the shadows. That’s a miserable life and I’ve been there.
I guess the moral of all this is that there is a happy medium. Out and proud? Yes. Intentionally flamboyant and over-the-top? No.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 8
Day 8: What do you think the closet or being closeted means to you?
As with most LGBTQ people, the closet represents repression, fear, discrimination, and self-loathing. It represents the need to hide or that something is inherently wrong with you.
I think that the closet and the act of having to “come out” is something that has been forced on LGBTQ people by our societies. It has been (and is) preached as “sinful” and “immoral” by the church. It doesn’t bear natural children and is therefore abnormal, anthropologically. Europe seems to have moved faster than the US, but we were founded by the prudes of Europe, so that makes sense. I can’t wait for the day that there is no longer any need for coming out or gay pride; a day when parents will ask if their child is interested in anyone and have the same reaction whether that interest is opposite or same sex.
As with most LGBTQ people, the closet represents repression, fear, discrimination, and self-loathing. It represents the need to hide or that something is inherently wrong with you.
I think that the closet and the act of having to “come out” is something that has been forced on LGBTQ people by our societies. It has been (and is) preached as “sinful” and “immoral” by the church. It doesn’t bear natural children and is therefore abnormal, anthropologically. Europe seems to have moved faster than the US, but we were founded by the prudes of Europe, so that makes sense. I can’t wait for the day that there is no longer any need for coming out or gay pride; a day when parents will ask if their child is interested in anyone and have the same reaction whether that interest is opposite or same sex.
Friday, June 17, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 7
Day 7 - How your parents took it or how you think they might take it?
I was 24 before I came out to my mom. My dad is dead, and has been since I was 6 months old, so there was no weirdness there. But I was terrified to tell my mom. Since I can remember, the mere thought of that sent chills down my spine and accelerated my heart rate. Even just as a passing thought.
But it all really got started in May ‘10 while I was on a trip to New Orleans. We had gone down for a close friend’s little sister’s 21st birthday and were having a blast. We went to Oz, one of the best gay clubs I’ve ever been to, stayed in the French Quarter on Rue San Phillipe, and were just surrounded by general gayness. It was great. We took a a trip to see some friends in Baton Rouge, Jonathan and Corey, and that was kinda the icing on the cake. Jonathan and Corey have been together for several years now. I met Jonathan’s parents while I was down there and we had a huge family-style cook out. I had an absolute blast. I talked to both Jonathan and Corey about how they came out, how their parents reacted, etc. Jonathan told me that his parents blamed themselves for a long time, and weren’t too happy about it as they are pretty observant Catholics, but came around.
So, on the ride back to New Orleans, I was sitting in the van we’d rented while everyone else was asleep, save for my friend’s aunt’s husband, who was driving. It’s about an hour drive in the middle of the night through the the swamp and I really had some time to reflect. I thought about telling Mom and damn near had a panic attack. But I decided I had to do it. I couldn’t keep living a lie and dealing with the stress it was causing me. It was all over my face when we got to New Orleans and my friend pulled me aside to talk. I almost lost it. We talked and I set a date.: July 30, 2010. It was a Friday and I knew it wasn’t going to well, so I wanted her to have a whole weekend to kinda deal with and process it before she had to be at work. And, it only left ~ 2 weeks before I had to go back to school, so if she flipped and kicked me out, I could crash with friends until time to go back.
I wrote out everything I wanted to say and told almost everyone. I figured that way I wouldn’t lose my train of thought if she got upset, could word everything the way I wanted, and I thought if everyone knew, I couldn’t back out. So, after a painstaking 3 hour airing of 27 Dresses on FX, I told her I needed to talk to her. It was all over her face before I was done that she knew what it was about. I finished the letter and she broke down crying. I held it together and tried to talk to her until she hesitated on whether she’d rather me be dead or gay and whether or not she still loved me. I got really upset at that point and started crying.
We went to bed and she pretty much spent all day Saturday in bed and ignoring me. Sunday rolled around and it was a little better. Things eventually got a little more normal until the 2nd Tuesday after when she sat me down and said that she still loved me, but that she could never accept it. That was it.
That winter when I went, I accidentally brought it up at dinner when she mentioned reading an old journal of mine. I misinterpreted her comment and we talked a little bit about it. She said she just didn’t understand. I asked her when she decided to like men and that caught her a bit off guard. She said she never “decided,” that’s just how it was. I told her that’s exactly how it was for me. I think that kinda clicked, but wasn’t sure how much.
I think it’s been mentioned a time or two since then, but not really. I’ve only ever had 1 serious relationship, but it started the September after I came out, so I didn’t want her to think I’d been hiding it for a long time, so I didn’t tell her. It ended 7 months later, so I still never mentioned it. I figure I’ll let her in on the next one fairly early, but I’m after I’m certain it’s serious, and we’ll see how it goes. I’m fairly optimistic. As for the rest of my family, I have a couple cousins that know and while not all are approving, they all still love and care about me. My grandparents are the ones I’m worried about telling, but only will if I decide to get married. As for the rest of my family, they can accept it or not. Frankly, I don’t give a damn.
I was 24 before I came out to my mom. My dad is dead, and has been since I was 6 months old, so there was no weirdness there. But I was terrified to tell my mom. Since I can remember, the mere thought of that sent chills down my spine and accelerated my heart rate. Even just as a passing thought.
But it all really got started in May ‘10 while I was on a trip to New Orleans. We had gone down for a close friend’s little sister’s 21st birthday and were having a blast. We went to Oz, one of the best gay clubs I’ve ever been to, stayed in the French Quarter on Rue San Phillipe, and were just surrounded by general gayness. It was great. We took a a trip to see some friends in Baton Rouge, Jonathan and Corey, and that was kinda the icing on the cake. Jonathan and Corey have been together for several years now. I met Jonathan’s parents while I was down there and we had a huge family-style cook out. I had an absolute blast. I talked to both Jonathan and Corey about how they came out, how their parents reacted, etc. Jonathan told me that his parents blamed themselves for a long time, and weren’t too happy about it as they are pretty observant Catholics, but came around.
So, on the ride back to New Orleans, I was sitting in the van we’d rented while everyone else was asleep, save for my friend’s aunt’s husband, who was driving. It’s about an hour drive in the middle of the night through the the swamp and I really had some time to reflect. I thought about telling Mom and damn near had a panic attack. But I decided I had to do it. I couldn’t keep living a lie and dealing with the stress it was causing me. It was all over my face when we got to New Orleans and my friend pulled me aside to talk. I almost lost it. We talked and I set a date.: July 30, 2010. It was a Friday and I knew it wasn’t going to well, so I wanted her to have a whole weekend to kinda deal with and process it before she had to be at work. And, it only left ~ 2 weeks before I had to go back to school, so if she flipped and kicked me out, I could crash with friends until time to go back.
I wrote out everything I wanted to say and told almost everyone. I figured that way I wouldn’t lose my train of thought if she got upset, could word everything the way I wanted, and I thought if everyone knew, I couldn’t back out. So, after a painstaking 3 hour airing of 27 Dresses on FX, I told her I needed to talk to her. It was all over her face before I was done that she knew what it was about. I finished the letter and she broke down crying. I held it together and tried to talk to her until she hesitated on whether she’d rather me be dead or gay and whether or not she still loved me. I got really upset at that point and started crying.
We went to bed and she pretty much spent all day Saturday in bed and ignoring me. Sunday rolled around and it was a little better. Things eventually got a little more normal until the 2nd Tuesday after when she sat me down and said that she still loved me, but that she could never accept it. That was it.
That winter when I went, I accidentally brought it up at dinner when she mentioned reading an old journal of mine. I misinterpreted her comment and we talked a little bit about it. She said she just didn’t understand. I asked her when she decided to like men and that caught her a bit off guard. She said she never “decided,” that’s just how it was. I told her that’s exactly how it was for me. I think that kinda clicked, but wasn’t sure how much.
I think it’s been mentioned a time or two since then, but not really. I’ve only ever had 1 serious relationship, but it started the September after I came out, so I didn’t want her to think I’d been hiding it for a long time, so I didn’t tell her. It ended 7 months later, so I still never mentioned it. I figure I’ll let her in on the next one fairly early, but I’m after I’m certain it’s serious, and we’ll see how it goes. I’m fairly optimistic. As for the rest of my family, I have a couple cousins that know and while not all are approving, they all still love and care about me. My grandparents are the ones I’m worried about telling, but only will if I decide to get married. As for the rest of my family, they can accept it or not. Frankly, I don’t give a damn.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 6
Day 6: Did you face any problems regarding religion?
Remember what I said about touching on future topics? Yeah. But, I guess I can go into a bit more detail.
I grew up in Memphis, TN and attended a Southern Baptist church of ~30,000 members. Yeah, I was a mega-churcher. We went a really small General Baptist church when I was really little, but the church kinda started dying off, so Mom decided the big church was the place to go. I remember her acting really weird the first time we went, but she knew there would be a lot of activities for both of us, so we gave it a shot.
I remember liking it a lot as a kid, but there were some bad things going on in retrospect. I remember my (now) ex-step-sister saying that the other kids didn't like her because of the school she went to. I thought it was just her being awkward, but as I got older, I noticed it myself. By 7th grade, people I had been friends with since I was 5 wouldn't talk to me. Add that to the fact that I was realizing that I was gay and crushing on other boys and the Sunday school teachers constantly talking about how sex in general was wrong, let alone gay things, and I was a powder keg waiting to go off.
From 12-16, I was institutionalized and attempted suicide 3 times. It was a really dark time. I tried "recommitting to Jesus" more times than I can count. I thought, "maybe I'm not saved," and went through that again. But it wasn't working. No matter how much I prayed, I still was attracted to other men. I tried so hard not to be, but that's just not something you can change.
Around junior year of high school, I read an article about a girl who was Pagan and it sparked my interest. I had always been fascinated by the mythology of ancient cultures and magickal practices, so I began to read everything I could get my hands on. I was hooked. I began reading about all kids of different religions that fell under the Pagan umbrella, finding many weren't for me in the long run. But I am truly happy now, in a religion that accepts people for who they are and doesn't ask you to change something at the core of your being. Not that there aren't close-minded people in the community, but they are few and far between.
Remember what I said about touching on future topics? Yeah. But, I guess I can go into a bit more detail.
I grew up in Memphis, TN and attended a Southern Baptist church of ~30,000 members. Yeah, I was a mega-churcher. We went a really small General Baptist church when I was really little, but the church kinda started dying off, so Mom decided the big church was the place to go. I remember her acting really weird the first time we went, but she knew there would be a lot of activities for both of us, so we gave it a shot.
I remember liking it a lot as a kid, but there were some bad things going on in retrospect. I remember my (now) ex-step-sister saying that the other kids didn't like her because of the school she went to. I thought it was just her being awkward, but as I got older, I noticed it myself. By 7th grade, people I had been friends with since I was 5 wouldn't talk to me. Add that to the fact that I was realizing that I was gay and crushing on other boys and the Sunday school teachers constantly talking about how sex in general was wrong, let alone gay things, and I was a powder keg waiting to go off.
From 12-16, I was institutionalized and attempted suicide 3 times. It was a really dark time. I tried "recommitting to Jesus" more times than I can count. I thought, "maybe I'm not saved," and went through that again. But it wasn't working. No matter how much I prayed, I still was attracted to other men. I tried so hard not to be, but that's just not something you can change.
Around junior year of high school, I read an article about a girl who was Pagan and it sparked my interest. I had always been fascinated by the mythology of ancient cultures and magickal practices, so I began to read everything I could get my hands on. I was hooked. I began reading about all kids of different religions that fell under the Pagan umbrella, finding many weren't for me in the long run. But I am truly happy now, in a religion that accepts people for who they are and doesn't ask you to change something at the core of your being. Not that there aren't close-minded people in the community, but they are few and far between.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 5
Day 5 - Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; Did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?
Hahaha, did I have any turmoil? You’ve obviously never met a gay person who grew up Southern Baptist. I feel like I kinda touch on future questions in each answer, but I guess that’s the way things intertwine.
I’ve had some inkling that I was gay since 9 and known for sure since 12. For so many years, I was taught that being gay was an automatic ticket to hell. No if, ands, or buts about it. This lead to a lot of self-loathing and anger. As an adult, I always let my mom believe that all of my anger was directed at my (now) ex-step-dad for abusing me, and that was a big part of it, but I finally let her know what the root of the anger was.
I don’t think the church realizes how much real damage they are doing to children by spreading their hate. I was so angry and so sad for so long that between the ages of 12 - 16, I was hospitalized in a mental institution and attempted suicide 3 times. I thought it would be more likely for God to forgive me for ending my life than to live it and act on my “unnatural feelings.”
There’s a part of the brainwashing I experienced as a child that will never leave me. I randomly wonder if the church is right. Am I going to Hell? Is being gay a sin? But then I realize that I can’t fight how I feel. When did straight people choose to be straight? They didn’t. It’s as natural to them as being gay is to me. But, overall, I think I have matured and stabilized. I’ve accepted the fact that not everyone is going to accept me. That’s not ok, but that’s the way it is and I can only do so much to change hearts and minds.
Hahaha, did I have any turmoil? You’ve obviously never met a gay person who grew up Southern Baptist. I feel like I kinda touch on future questions in each answer, but I guess that’s the way things intertwine.
I’ve had some inkling that I was gay since 9 and known for sure since 12. For so many years, I was taught that being gay was an automatic ticket to hell. No if, ands, or buts about it. This lead to a lot of self-loathing and anger. As an adult, I always let my mom believe that all of my anger was directed at my (now) ex-step-dad for abusing me, and that was a big part of it, but I finally let her know what the root of the anger was.
I don’t think the church realizes how much real damage they are doing to children by spreading their hate. I was so angry and so sad for so long that between the ages of 12 - 16, I was hospitalized in a mental institution and attempted suicide 3 times. I thought it would be more likely for God to forgive me for ending my life than to live it and act on my “unnatural feelings.”
There’s a part of the brainwashing I experienced as a child that will never leave me. I randomly wonder if the church is right. Am I going to Hell? Is being gay a sin? But then I realize that I can’t fight how I feel. When did straight people choose to be straight? They didn’t. It’s as natural to them as being gay is to me. But, overall, I think I have matured and stabilized. I’ve accepted the fact that not everyone is going to accept me. That’s not ok, but that’s the way it is and I can only do so much to change hearts and minds.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 4
Day 4:The first person you came out to and that story.
Ok, so maybe this will be over-sharing because I’m gonna tell the story of the 1st 3 times I came out. They were all fairly far apart and all incredibly memorable, so I figure what the hell.
The first person I came out to was my manager at the first vet clinic I worked at. This would have been the summer of ‘04, right after I graduated high school. My boss, Amy, was a lesbian. She and her girlfriend, Lara, had been together for 5 years at that point and, as far as I can remember, were the first openly gay people I had ever met. Sure, there were a couple people in high school that everyone assumed were gay (and I often knew because of connections), but that was it. Amy lived her life out and proud. She didn’t pretend to be some femme she wasn’t and talked about Lara like it was no big deal. It floored me. The mere thought that anyone else would know that I was gay made me want to vomit, let alone not caring.
Anyway, so one Saturday afternoon when the clinic was closed and we were there for caretaking, I was carrying a small dog in from one of the outdoor yards, with its sibling in tow and 125 lbs. Doberman Pinscher lunged at the door to the run it was in and the dog in my arms flipped out. My left pinky was in throbbing insanely and as I looked, my nail was split in half lengthwise. I got the dog back in its run and went to find a bandage. I put a bandage on my finger in the treatment area and turned around to see blood all over the floor. Keep in mind, this was a 5000 sq. ft. facility and I had just traipsed all the way across it. I was feeling a little flush and I noticed my neck felt weird. I reached up and I was covered in blood. My hand was hurting so badly, I didn’t realize the dog had also ripped open my neck. Not too deep, but wounds about the shoulders tend to bleed like a bitch. About that time, my manager comes rushing out of the kennel, having seen all the blood, and rushes me to the minor med.
She kept asking me if I was ok, trying to keep me talking. We got to the minor med and several co-workers were there waiting. Apparently this wound looked horrible. They later said the only reason we didn’t go to the human ER was because it was so far away. They were really freaked out. At some point, I started asking Amy questions about life and other stuff, I guess I was a bit freaked out myself. And I blurted out, “I think I’m gay.” She gave me a hug and we just talked. She told me that I would go off to college, come out, and be happy. I told her, “fat chance.” But Amy was right, as she was on so many things. I wish I could find her and tell her how much she changed my life. She impacted me more than she could possibly ever know.
Ok, the other 2 are a bit shorter and kinda funny. Now. Not at the time. But now. When I was 18, near the end of my freshman year of college at the University of Tennessee in the Spring of ‘05. At this point, I had never voiced my gayness to another soul, save Amy. And even that was an equivocation with the whole, “I think.” So, I’m sitting in my dorm room with my best friend and I couldn’t get the nerve to start the conversation. I had just found out that he was bisexual a month or so before, but that didn’t seem to make anything any easier. So, I IM’d him. He was sitting at his computer, no farther than 3 feet away. This was our conversation:
Me: “Guess what?”
Him: “What?”
Me: “Guess.”
Him: “No clue. What?”
Me: “I am.”
Him: “What?” “Like me?”
Me: “No, all the way.”
Him: “Ok.”
At that point, we began actually talking and I kinda had a freak out moment and then felt so much better. That feels like a million years ago.
The last little story is about another very close friend of mine, a straight guy, that had made jokes about me coming out for at least a couple years. This would have been the summer fo ‘06. I just couldn’t do it. Finally, one day at lunch with him and my best friend, he made the joke, I said, “Fine. I am.” Got up and walked out of the diner we were in. He chased me out into the parking lot where, yet again, I was having a minor freak out, ran up to me, and gave me the biggest hug ever. He said, “I’m sorry. And it’s ok.” And that was it. We’re still incredibly close to this day and I couldn’t love him more.
Ok, so maybe this will be over-sharing because I’m gonna tell the story of the 1st 3 times I came out. They were all fairly far apart and all incredibly memorable, so I figure what the hell.
The first person I came out to was my manager at the first vet clinic I worked at. This would have been the summer of ‘04, right after I graduated high school. My boss, Amy, was a lesbian. She and her girlfriend, Lara, had been together for 5 years at that point and, as far as I can remember, were the first openly gay people I had ever met. Sure, there were a couple people in high school that everyone assumed were gay (and I often knew because of connections), but that was it. Amy lived her life out and proud. She didn’t pretend to be some femme she wasn’t and talked about Lara like it was no big deal. It floored me. The mere thought that anyone else would know that I was gay made me want to vomit, let alone not caring.
Anyway, so one Saturday afternoon when the clinic was closed and we were there for caretaking, I was carrying a small dog in from one of the outdoor yards, with its sibling in tow and 125 lbs. Doberman Pinscher lunged at the door to the run it was in and the dog in my arms flipped out. My left pinky was in throbbing insanely and as I looked, my nail was split in half lengthwise. I got the dog back in its run and went to find a bandage. I put a bandage on my finger in the treatment area and turned around to see blood all over the floor. Keep in mind, this was a 5000 sq. ft. facility and I had just traipsed all the way across it. I was feeling a little flush and I noticed my neck felt weird. I reached up and I was covered in blood. My hand was hurting so badly, I didn’t realize the dog had also ripped open my neck. Not too deep, but wounds about the shoulders tend to bleed like a bitch. About that time, my manager comes rushing out of the kennel, having seen all the blood, and rushes me to the minor med.
She kept asking me if I was ok, trying to keep me talking. We got to the minor med and several co-workers were there waiting. Apparently this wound looked horrible. They later said the only reason we didn’t go to the human ER was because it was so far away. They were really freaked out. At some point, I started asking Amy questions about life and other stuff, I guess I was a bit freaked out myself. And I blurted out, “I think I’m gay.” She gave me a hug and we just talked. She told me that I would go off to college, come out, and be happy. I told her, “fat chance.” But Amy was right, as she was on so many things. I wish I could find her and tell her how much she changed my life. She impacted me more than she could possibly ever know.
Ok, the other 2 are a bit shorter and kinda funny. Now. Not at the time. But now. When I was 18, near the end of my freshman year of college at the University of Tennessee in the Spring of ‘05. At this point, I had never voiced my gayness to another soul, save Amy. And even that was an equivocation with the whole, “I think.” So, I’m sitting in my dorm room with my best friend and I couldn’t get the nerve to start the conversation. I had just found out that he was bisexual a month or so before, but that didn’t seem to make anything any easier. So, I IM’d him. He was sitting at his computer, no farther than 3 feet away. This was our conversation:
Me: “Guess what?”
Him: “What?”
Me: “Guess.”
Him: “No clue. What?”
Me: “I am.”
Him: “What?” “Like me?”
Me: “No, all the way.”
Him: “Ok.”
At that point, we began actually talking and I kinda had a freak out moment and then felt so much better. That feels like a million years ago.
The last little story is about another very close friend of mine, a straight guy, that had made jokes about me coming out for at least a couple years. This would have been the summer fo ‘06. I just couldn’t do it. Finally, one day at lunch with him and my best friend, he made the joke, I said, “Fine. I am.” Got up and walked out of the diner we were in. He chased me out into the parking lot where, yet again, I was having a minor freak out, ran up to me, and gave me the biggest hug ever. He said, “I’m sorry. And it’s ok.” And that was it. We’re still incredibly close to this day and I couldn’t love him more.
Monday, June 13, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 3
Day 3 - How old were you when you knew? What was that like for you?
I became sexually aware, in general, at a very young age. I was “sexually explorative” by age 8. No one ever explained anything of a sexual manner to me, I just knew. My one confusion was how men and women “fit together” and where things went. I couldn’t tell you what triggered these thoughts at such a young age, but it was definitely a subject I commonly pondered pondered. At age 9, I remember wondering what would happen if 2 men loved each other and wanted to have sex. I knew that was “wrong,” but I remember that night clearly. I think that was the last time that a woman every entered my mind sexually.
By age 12, I knew I was gay. At 13, I remember asking my mom what she would do, hypothetically of course, if she a child that was gay. She told me that, depending on how old the child was, she would tell the child that they needed to leave and not come back. I’ve never forgotten that day. And growing up in a Southern Baptist household, only added to the terror I felt. It so terrified me that between the ages of 12 -16, I had been committed to a mental institution and attempted suicide 3 times. I figured that if I killed myself, God would forgive me because at least I hadn’t acted on being a faggot. After the 3rd suicide attempt, I came to the conclusion that I was so beyond help and so fucked up that I couldn’t even commit suicide correctly.
I was 18 before I ever told another soul and at 25, I’m still only 90% out. Although there’s been a lot of growth and healing, I can’t help but wonder if I won’t always have thees heavy scars.
I became sexually aware, in general, at a very young age. I was “sexually explorative” by age 8. No one ever explained anything of a sexual manner to me, I just knew. My one confusion was how men and women “fit together” and where things went. I couldn’t tell you what triggered these thoughts at such a young age, but it was definitely a subject I commonly pondered pondered. At age 9, I remember wondering what would happen if 2 men loved each other and wanted to have sex. I knew that was “wrong,” but I remember that night clearly. I think that was the last time that a woman every entered my mind sexually.
By age 12, I knew I was gay. At 13, I remember asking my mom what she would do, hypothetically of course, if she a child that was gay. She told me that, depending on how old the child was, she would tell the child that they needed to leave and not come back. I’ve never forgotten that day. And growing up in a Southern Baptist household, only added to the terror I felt. It so terrified me that between the ages of 12 -16, I had been committed to a mental institution and attempted suicide 3 times. I figured that if I killed myself, God would forgive me because at least I hadn’t acted on being a faggot. After the 3rd suicide attempt, I came to the conclusion that I was so beyond help and so fucked up that I couldn’t even commit suicide correctly.
I was 18 before I ever told another soul and at 25, I’m still only 90% out. Although there’s been a lot of growth and healing, I can’t help but wonder if I won’t always have thees heavy scars.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 2
Day 2: Did you have any experiences as a child that might have foreshadowed your sexuality?
I’m not quite sure how to answer this question. Did something happen to me that made me gay? I don’t think so. But there were things that I did when I was little that should have been red rainbow flags. I always liked to play with “girl” toys. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my G.I. Joe’s, Batman, the X-Men, and blowing stuff up, but I always wanted a couple Barbies so that they could get married and have families. I had a bunch of Cabbage Patch Dolls and always wanted more. I liked to play school and wanted an Asian boy & girl, black boy & girl, Hispanic boy & girl, blond boy & girl, redheaded boy & girl, and a brunette boy & girl. What can I say? I grew up in Memphis. :)
And in retrospect, I had crushes on guys as a kid. I remember in the 2nd grade really really really wanting to be good friends with Brandon Hodges. I also remember an older kid named Daniel Booker that I always wanted to hang out with me. He had his ear pierced and I always thought that was the coolest thing. Ahh, the 90’s.
All that said, while I’m not the most masculine of men, I’m not feminine either. I guess I’m kinda middle of the road. I can hang with the guys or chat with the girls. It really makes no difference to me. I like to build and fix things, but like fashion as well, even though I adhere to my own sense of style. I think there were a lot of internal markers, but most of the external were chocked up to the fact that I was raised around almost exclusively women and had mostly female cousins. I’ve known I was gay since I was ~12 years old, but I think I fall into a nice niche where the people who don’t care pick it up almost immediately and the people that do, don’t ever seem to notice.
I’m not quite sure how to answer this question. Did something happen to me that made me gay? I don’t think so. But there were things that I did when I was little that should have been red rainbow flags. I always liked to play with “girl” toys. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my G.I. Joe’s, Batman, the X-Men, and blowing stuff up, but I always wanted a couple Barbies so that they could get married and have families. I had a bunch of Cabbage Patch Dolls and always wanted more. I liked to play school and wanted an Asian boy & girl, black boy & girl, Hispanic boy & girl, blond boy & girl, redheaded boy & girl, and a brunette boy & girl. What can I say? I grew up in Memphis. :)
And in retrospect, I had crushes on guys as a kid. I remember in the 2nd grade really really really wanting to be good friends with Brandon Hodges. I also remember an older kid named Daniel Booker that I always wanted to hang out with me. He had his ear pierced and I always thought that was the coolest thing. Ahh, the 90’s.
All that said, while I’m not the most masculine of men, I’m not feminine either. I guess I’m kinda middle of the road. I can hang with the guys or chat with the girls. It really makes no difference to me. I like to build and fix things, but like fashion as well, even though I adhere to my own sense of style. I think there were a lot of internal markers, but most of the external were chocked up to the fact that I was raised around almost exclusively women and had mostly female cousins. I’ve known I was gay since I was ~12 years old, but I think I fall into a nice niche where the people who don’t care pick it up almost immediately and the people that do, don’t ever seem to notice.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
LGBTQ 30 Day Challenge: Day 1
Day 1: Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.
As I always say when asked, I’m a ‘mo. I just like the way that sounds. It’s so non-confrontational, it just flows. I’m a man and I’m happy with that, I just happen to like other men. And I like men, not boys, both physically and mentally. Someone fun and goofy, but mature and able to be serious when the situation requires it. And has some direction in life.
As I always say when asked, I’m a ‘mo. I just like the way that sounds. It’s so non-confrontational, it just flows. I’m a man and I’m happy with that, I just happen to like other men. And I like men, not boys, both physically and mentally. Someone fun and goofy, but mature and able to be serious when the situation requires it. And has some direction in life.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Sister Wives
I’ve watched “Sister Wives” several times and I always have mixed emotions about the idea of polygamy. It’s not for me, I know. I’m hardwired as a monogamist. But, just like I don’t think it’s fair that the government says I can’t marry another man, I don’t think it’s air for the government to legislate how many people can get married. And in my opinion, you can’t have it both ways. If you’re for marriage equality, you should truly be for MARRIAGE EQUALITY across the board. However, to cut off any craziness that might ensue from that statement, all parties should be of legal, consenting adult age and be able to verbalize. No children, no animals. That’s just ridiculous.
Anyway, on a base level, I’m totally ok with it, assuming that all parties involved know exactly what they’re getting into. No forcing a daughter to marry into a polygamous marriage, no wives/husbands in different states that don’t know about each other, none of that. Everyone needs 100% disclosure up front. If everyone is on the same page, go for it.
But I can’t imagine being with multiple people at the same time…or, ya know, separately. I’m not in favor of open relationship for myself, but again, if everyone involved is ok with it, by all means have fun. I’m not a jealous person, but I think if I knew my significant other was with other people, that might change. I know that polygamy isn’t the same as an open relationship in that all partners know each other and usually don’t engage in sexual behaviors together. But it would still be weird for me.
I do like the idea of having multiple parental units to raise kids, though. How great would that be? It takes a village to raise a child, right? But it would have to be hard on the kids, too. If you homeschool, they’re likely to be socially awkward. Although, with that many kids, maybe not. But the Duggers are… Anyway, but if they go to school, they either have to keep it quiet or face potential torment from peers.
However you look at it, love is love, but polygamy is definitely something to seriously consider before diving in. I can’t help but wonder if even serious contemplation could truly prepare a person for that life.
Anyway, on a base level, I’m totally ok with it, assuming that all parties involved know exactly what they’re getting into. No forcing a daughter to marry into a polygamous marriage, no wives/husbands in different states that don’t know about each other, none of that. Everyone needs 100% disclosure up front. If everyone is on the same page, go for it.
But I can’t imagine being with multiple people at the same time…or, ya know, separately. I’m not in favor of open relationship for myself, but again, if everyone involved is ok with it, by all means have fun. I’m not a jealous person, but I think if I knew my significant other was with other people, that might change. I know that polygamy isn’t the same as an open relationship in that all partners know each other and usually don’t engage in sexual behaviors together. But it would still be weird for me.
I do like the idea of having multiple parental units to raise kids, though. How great would that be? It takes a village to raise a child, right? But it would have to be hard on the kids, too. If you homeschool, they’re likely to be socially awkward. Although, with that many kids, maybe not. But the Duggers are… Anyway, but if they go to school, they either have to keep it quiet or face potential torment from peers.
However you look at it, love is love, but polygamy is definitely something to seriously consider before diving in. I can’t help but wonder if even serious contemplation could truly prepare a person for that life.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Somewhere, Out There
I made this today for something, but it really is true. I absolutely love the South, hence maintaining The Modern Southern Gentleman, but I really do think I may have to leave to find happiness and family...which, in turn, brings the opposite emotion...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Glee!
Glee. It's a show that has pretty much swept the nation, and for good reason: it's a good show. It's great that they've included such a variety of characters on the show and even in just 2 seasons, have really pushed the envelope on lot of socially touchy subjects, especially in the LGBT arena. They have a the obvious character of Kurt, the closeted jock archetype in Dave Karofsky, and the oft-neglected closeted lipstick lesbian in Santana, not to mention the bi-curious Brittany.
But I just absolutely can't identify with a single character on the show. I love that they introduced Kurt and that his sexuality wasn't just glossed over. Early in the 1st season, he came to the realization and was still faced with coming out. They brought that struggle to light in a show that a lot of teenagers watch. But Kurt is so absolutely flamboyant. He's a fashionisto. He likes Broadway, constantly makes obscure cultural references, and drops names of long-dead celebrities like nobody's business. I just don't see myself in that. Sure, I like some Broadway stuff, especially from the last 30 years or so. I'd even venture to say that I have a decent grasp on the fashion world, occasionally embarrassing myself by knowing the proper terms for various types of trim and styles, but I also seem to know a lot about a multitude of other random topics. But overall, I think my interests are pretty average for a guy my age. I don't wear sequins. I don't flit around. I don't dress anywhere near drag. Other than the most base of emotions, I just can't relate to him.
Then there's Dave Karofsky, the football player. I can somewhat more identify with Dave, but not really. Dave's a jock, something I've never even come remotely close to. I played baseball as a kid, but hated it by the time I was 8 and did everything I could not to be put on the field. His fear of coming out is something I can definitely relate to, though. I was 18 before I came out to my best friend of 12 years at the time (19 years now), 20 before I told anyone else, and 24 before I told my mom. I understand that insane level of fear. But that, too, is a very basic way to relate.
The addition of Blaine was really a great happy medium...and it doesn't hurt that Darren Criss has eyes that just draw you in. Being that the character of Blaine is pretty middle-of-the-road, I'd have to say that Blaine is the character I can relate to most, but he's still a tertiary character at this point. And just because I relate most, doesn't mean I really see myself.
I know it's a T.V. show and they're trying to appeal to the masses. I really do get that. And I think it's great that they're reaching out to the most vulnerable people. But just once, I would like to see a normal man, who happens to like men. All that said, I hope they keep up the good work. I'm really excited for the season finale and to see where the show goes in Season 3. Especially since there's been mention of a conservatively Christian character joining the cast. That could make for a really interesting dynamic if done well and it's nice to see inclusion from both sides of the aisle.
But I just absolutely can't identify with a single character on the show. I love that they introduced Kurt and that his sexuality wasn't just glossed over. Early in the 1st season, he came to the realization and was still faced with coming out. They brought that struggle to light in a show that a lot of teenagers watch. But Kurt is so absolutely flamboyant. He's a fashionisto. He likes Broadway, constantly makes obscure cultural references, and drops names of long-dead celebrities like nobody's business. I just don't see myself in that. Sure, I like some Broadway stuff, especially from the last 30 years or so. I'd even venture to say that I have a decent grasp on the fashion world, occasionally embarrassing myself by knowing the proper terms for various types of trim and styles, but I also seem to know a lot about a multitude of other random topics. But overall, I think my interests are pretty average for a guy my age. I don't wear sequins. I don't flit around. I don't dress anywhere near drag. Other than the most base of emotions, I just can't relate to him.
Then there's Dave Karofsky, the football player. I can somewhat more identify with Dave, but not really. Dave's a jock, something I've never even come remotely close to. I played baseball as a kid, but hated it by the time I was 8 and did everything I could not to be put on the field. His fear of coming out is something I can definitely relate to, though. I was 18 before I came out to my best friend of 12 years at the time (19 years now), 20 before I told anyone else, and 24 before I told my mom. I understand that insane level of fear. But that, too, is a very basic way to relate.
The addition of Blaine was really a great happy medium...and it doesn't hurt that Darren Criss has eyes that just draw you in. Being that the character of Blaine is pretty middle-of-the-road, I'd have to say that Blaine is the character I can relate to most, but he's still a tertiary character at this point. And just because I relate most, doesn't mean I really see myself.
I know it's a T.V. show and they're trying to appeal to the masses. I really do get that. And I think it's great that they're reaching out to the most vulnerable people. But just once, I would like to see a normal man, who happens to like men. All that said, I hope they keep up the good work. I'm really excited for the season finale and to see where the show goes in Season 3. Especially since there's been mention of a conservatively Christian character joining the cast. That could make for a really interesting dynamic if done well and it's nice to see inclusion from both sides of the aisle.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Oh, Mother
Mother's Day is here again and every year it passes, I realize just how lucky I am to have such an awesome mom. She's stuck with me through thick and thin, through acting out and coming out, despite her devout Southern Baptist beliefs. But I also realize how many people aren't as lucky as I am.
I was talking to Drew, my best friend's boyfriend, yesterday and all of this came into an even clearer focus. I made my mom a CD for mother's day and designed a CD jacket to go with it that contained a little bit about why I included each song and the lyrics to each song. I was excited about it and asking opinions. We started talking about how much our friend Joe's mom, Aunt Ramona, has done for us here and how in so many ways, she has become our surrogate mom. As we were talking, Drew expressed that appreciated everything Aunt Ramona did for us and that he had some pangs of jealousy and resentment when Jason, my best friend/his boyfriend, got birthday presents form his mom. Drew didn't get so much as a text from his mother on his birthday. He's tried and tried to keep the lines of communication open, but his mom just doesn't seem to care. It's so sad. And all because of his sexual orientation. It's just not acceptable. And I know he's not alone.
So, on this day we celebrate our moms, be thankful for the good ones in our lives, biological or not, here with us or watching over from above, and know that if you've known the true love of a mother, you are indeed one of the blessed.
I was talking to Drew, my best friend's boyfriend, yesterday and all of this came into an even clearer focus. I made my mom a CD for mother's day and designed a CD jacket to go with it that contained a little bit about why I included each song and the lyrics to each song. I was excited about it and asking opinions. We started talking about how much our friend Joe's mom, Aunt Ramona, has done for us here and how in so many ways, she has become our surrogate mom. As we were talking, Drew expressed that appreciated everything Aunt Ramona did for us and that he had some pangs of jealousy and resentment when Jason, my best friend/his boyfriend, got birthday presents form his mom. Drew didn't get so much as a text from his mother on his birthday. He's tried and tried to keep the lines of communication open, but his mom just doesn't seem to care. It's so sad. And all because of his sexual orientation. It's just not acceptable. And I know he's not alone.
So, on this day we celebrate our moms, be thankful for the good ones in our lives, biological or not, here with us or watching over from above, and know that if you've known the true love of a mother, you are indeed one of the blessed.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
The Winds of Change
Lately I’ve been feeling pulled in so many directions. Pulled toward graduation. Pulled home to Memphis. Pulled to the West Coast. Just pulled. But I’m not sure where to.
The more I think about the future, the more apprehensive I get. As kids, we all thought we’d end up in Memphis together. We’d all buy houses on the same street or at least in the same neighborhood, and raise our kids together. But that dream is long since dead. I’ve realized we’ll be lucky to all live in the same state.
I just don’t feel like I have a home anymore. I don’t feel at home in Knoxville; I never have. It’s definitely grown on me, and I have a few great friends, but it’s just not home. And when I go back to Memphis, I don’t feel at home there anymore either. Don’t get me wrong, I love it there and it will always be my hometown…but I feel like I’ve left apiece of my heart there, not my whole heart there. Memphis shaped me in so many ways (probably more than I’ll ever realize) and I couldn’t be more thankful for that, but I think the things that I can learn from there are few and far between anymore.
I really thought I had all this under control. I had come to terms with it. But apparently not. Ryan is seriously considering moving to Nashville once his year with the West Memphis, AR, police department is up, which is only being aided by the fact that he says his parents are wanting to move up to Sugar Tree, just ~45 minutes outside Nashville. Cassie has said for years that she wants to move to NYC, but I’m just not sure I see that ever happening for multiple reasons. She’s just so Memphis. Heather wants to escape, but I think she’ll end up in Memphis forever. She’s way too close to her family to ever leave, I think. Jason says he plans to move back home to get his Master’s and teach, even if only for a few years. He also randomly mentions working for CNN in Atlanta every so often and has for years.
But I keep feeling the call to California. I absolutely love the South. My heart is here in the culture and people, but I still feel the pull. Maybe just for grad school. I want to say that I wouldn’t even allow myself to stay permanently, but who am I to say that? I never though I’d be in Knoxville this long. And what if I met the perfect guy out there? Could I make myself leave if he wasn’t willing or able to? And the West is such a central hub for art in the US. Who’s to say I wouldn’t have beaucoup more opportunity out there? I know it’s pointless to worry about the future, but I just can’t seem to help it lately. I feel like I go through this almost every summer. And every year that I think I’ve handled it, the next year seems to sprout a whole new crop of possibilities.
The more I think about the future, the more apprehensive I get. As kids, we all thought we’d end up in Memphis together. We’d all buy houses on the same street or at least in the same neighborhood, and raise our kids together. But that dream is long since dead. I’ve realized we’ll be lucky to all live in the same state.
I just don’t feel like I have a home anymore. I don’t feel at home in Knoxville; I never have. It’s definitely grown on me, and I have a few great friends, but it’s just not home. And when I go back to Memphis, I don’t feel at home there anymore either. Don’t get me wrong, I love it there and it will always be my hometown…but I feel like I’ve left a
I really thought I had all this under control. I had come to terms with it. But apparently not. Ryan is seriously considering moving to Nashville once his year with the West Memphis, AR, police department is up, which is only being aided by the fact that he says his parents are wanting to move up to Sugar Tree, just ~45 minutes outside Nashville. Cassie has said for years that she wants to move to NYC, but I’m just not sure I see that ever happening for multiple reasons. She’s just so Memphis. Heather wants to escape, but I think she’ll end up in Memphis forever. She’s way too close to her family to ever leave, I think. Jason says he plans to move back home to get his Master’s and teach, even if only for a few years. He also randomly mentions working for CNN in Atlanta every so often and has for years.
But I keep feeling the call to California. I absolutely love the South. My heart is here in the culture and people, but I still feel the pull. Maybe just for grad school. I want to say that I wouldn’t even allow myself to stay permanently, but who am I to say that? I never though I’d be in Knoxville this long. And what if I met the perfect guy out there? Could I make myself leave if he wasn’t willing or able to? And the West is such a central hub for art in the US. Who’s to say I wouldn’t have beaucoup more opportunity out there? I know it’s pointless to worry about the future, but I just can’t seem to help it lately. I feel like I go through this almost every summer. And every year that I think I’ve handled it, the next year seems to sprout a whole new crop of possibilities.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
God Save the Queen To Be
This is an absolutely gorgeous shot of her dress. I still think the dress is a bit plain considering it's from the Alexander McQueen design house. This photo captures the storybook style the dress resonates. She is absolutely stunning. Too bad she'll be ancient by the time everyone ahead of her has died off so that she can take the throne.
As for all the people who have said, "Why should I care about the wedding of 2 rich foreign aristocrats?" Well, the answer is multi-fold. The first is that this is an historical event. It's not every day that royalty of any nation get married. The last was princess Victoria of Sweden in 2010, but other than that, there has only been one other royal wedding I can think of. That one was a bit of a scandal when the only daughter of the Japanese emperor married a commoner, this giving up her title as princess. With so few monarchies left in the world, figurehead or not, it's a big deal when there is a royal wedding. In some ways, it's like a little piece of the Victorian era holding on to our modern societies.
The second is one Americans don't like to think about or admit, but the British monarchy is a part of our heritage. Although we aren't part of the British commonwealth anymore like Canada, Australia, South Africa, India, and about 20 others countries, we do owe our place in the world to the British. If the British hadn't so successfully colonized our continent, even if through barbarism and brute force, we wouldn't be here today.
Thirdly, it's a wedding. Why shouldn't we be happy for 2 young people who have (hopefully) found true love? A gorgeous woman to a previously handsome man, it's nice to see a modern couple get married and bring a largely archaic institution into the 21st century.
Oh! And who doesn't like to see all the crazy hats the British wear to events like a wedding?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
LGBTQIALOLWTFBBQ
As a kid, I thought boys liked girls and girls liked boys. By the time I was 7, I knew that some men were evil and liked other men and that some women were confused and thought they loved other women. By 12, I was questioning the evil and confused parts and also knew that some people were really off their rockers and wanted to date both men and women. Obviously, the musings of a child are a bit simplified. But there's a part of me that longs to return to those days.
I first came out to my best friend at 18 and began learning everything I could about gay people...through the internet, of course, as I was too scared to actually talk to other gay people. I thought I was done learning new terms after drag queen and trangender, but I've recently learned several new labels from the world-o-homos. The first was:
Not too long after that, I started hearing other words like:
But then I heard:
The first time I heard it, I had to look it up. I read the definition and was a bit confused. I finally realized that it means "a man who is identifies as a man." Alrighty...that's pretty normal...so, why do we need a label for that? But, whatever. If it makes people happy.
But the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me. I understand the reason that LGBT was originally lumped together: strength in numbers. When there were so few people willing to be vocal and stand up for equal rights, every voice was desperately needed to get anything accomplished. As far as that is concerned, I don't see any reason to break that up, even if the "T" was a later addition. It's been around for quite a while now. I've heard people argue against this, saying that gay, lesbian, and trans culture are all so different, they can't possibly be lumped into the same category. I understand this reasoning for certain topics, but when it comes to things like equal rights, banding together is the best thing for everyone. I can even get behind the addition for the "Q," as a way of including all the other groups of people, but that's where I draw the line.
Why are people starting to write themselves into boxes by creating new labels? Isn't that something that the gay community has fought against for decades? I don't know why people feel the need to label themselves as a "cisgender pansexual" or an "androgynous panromantic lesbian." It just feels like it's reaching.
A quick google search of "LGBTQ," with the google-suggested addition of "IA," brought me to a link that had 51 Queer terms, only 7 of which I found even remotely informative. And that might be reaching. The rest of them sounded like regurgitations of the same term over and over and over. It just doesn't make any sense. You're never going to be able to label every single personality quirk or niche sexual interest of every single person in the world. Just stop.
I know it's not PC to not give every wittle special snowfwake their own very special wittle trophy, but come on. Grow up. I, for one, don't want or need to fit every aspect of a label. If I had to break it down, I guess it could be said that I'm a cisgender homosexual with asexual heterosexual attractions...except it makes me sound like a pretentious jackass. I'm a gay man. I don't feel the need to explain every intimate detail of my sexual likes and dislikes to someone the moment I meet them, nor so I need a label to do so.
I first came out to my best friend at 18 and began learning everything I could about gay people...through the internet, of course, as I was too scared to actually talk to other gay people. I thought I was done learning new terms after drag queen and trangender, but I've recently learned several new labels from the world-o-homos. The first was:
"Asexuality: (sometimes referred to as nonsexuality), in its broadest sense, is the lack of sexual attraction and/or the lack of interest in and desire for sex."I'm an open-minded, science-y guy; I can put 2 & 2 together. I guess I find the idea of no sexual attraction to anyone a bit weird, but it's not for me to judge other people. If you feel no sexual attraction, I guess that's no more "abnormal" than my own attractions to other men.
Not too long after that, I started hearing other words like:
"Pansexuality: (also referred to as omnisexuality, gender-blind) a term referring to the feeling that one has the potential for sexual attractions, sexual desire, or romantic love, towards people of all gender identities and biological sexes; Gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others. The concept of pansexuality deliberately rejects the idea that there are only two genders, as pansexual people are open to relationships with people who do not identify as strictly men or women."I can get behind that. It's not for me, as I like my men to be men, but again with the open-minded thing. There is something interesting about gender-bending and androgyny, even if I don't find it sexually appealing.
But then I heard:
"Cisgenered: an adjective used in the context of gender issues and counselling to refer to a class of gender identities formed by a match between an individual's gender identity and the behavior or role considered appropriate for one's sex."
The first time I heard it, I had to look it up. I read the definition and was a bit confused. I finally realized that it means "a man who is identifies as a man." Alrighty...that's pretty normal...so, why do we need a label for that? But, whatever. If it makes people happy.
But the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me. I understand the reason that LGBT was originally lumped together: strength in numbers. When there were so few people willing to be vocal and stand up for equal rights, every voice was desperately needed to get anything accomplished. As far as that is concerned, I don't see any reason to break that up, even if the "T" was a later addition. It's been around for quite a while now. I've heard people argue against this, saying that gay, lesbian, and trans culture are all so different, they can't possibly be lumped into the same category. I understand this reasoning for certain topics, but when it comes to things like equal rights, banding together is the best thing for everyone. I can even get behind the addition for the "Q," as a way of including all the other groups of people, but that's where I draw the line.
Why are people starting to write themselves into boxes by creating new labels? Isn't that something that the gay community has fought against for decades? I don't know why people feel the need to label themselves as a "cisgender pansexual" or an "androgynous panromantic lesbian." It just feels like it's reaching.
A quick google search of "LGBTQ," with the google-suggested addition of "IA," brought me to a link that had 51 Queer terms, only 7 of which I found even remotely informative. And that might be reaching. The rest of them sounded like regurgitations of the same term over and over and over. It just doesn't make any sense. You're never going to be able to label every single personality quirk or niche sexual interest of every single person in the world. Just stop.
I know it's not PC to not give every wittle special snowfwake their own very special wittle trophy, but come on. Grow up. I, for one, don't want or need to fit every aspect of a label. If I had to break it down, I guess it could be said that I'm a cisgender homosexual with asexual heterosexual attractions...except it makes me sound like a pretentious jackass. I'm a gay man. I don't feel the need to explain every intimate detail of my sexual likes and dislikes to someone the moment I meet them, nor so I need a label to do so.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Skins
I've been watching the UK Series, Skins for quite a while now. It's a great show. It can be a bit racy, but it's about teenagers, what do you expect? Last week, a US version premiered on MTV, much to the chagrin of the political Right, apparently. I think it's ridiculous. Now, I haven't seen the 2nd episode yet, but the pilot was very good. It reminds me a lot of my time in high school...which is what I think the problem is. People act they were complete angels in high school. They don't like to be reminded that acted a fool, made some bad choices, partied too much. And, even worse, they don't want to think of their own children doing the same thing.
A co-worker of mine, who typically falls on the left side of the aisle, Is appalled by the show...though I seriously doubt he's ever seen an episode. He had a similar reaction when Katy Perry was to appear on Sesame Street. I'm sorry, but when's the last time a toddler saw some cleavage and thought about sex? But I'm getting off track.
The biggest problem people espouse to have is that they're using real teenagers to play the characters, as opposed to the 20-somethings that normally fill those roles. I like it. I think there's something raw about it. And real. These kids aren't remembering what high school was like: they're living it.
This isn't the 1950's. Even then, people were having sex in high school and smoking pot. But the show isn't "condoning it" as I've been told it is. It's simply stating a fact. I think my boss and co-worker were a bit surprised when I told them that t reminded me so much of my time in high school. People having sex, popping pills, smoking pot, partying, sneaking home the next morning, suicide, overdoses; those were just facts of life. I didn't go to some white-bread suburban school. I experienced the real world at a young age. Were mistakes made? Of course. But you live and you learn.
Now, apparently, the producers are being charged with child porn? Other than a few kisses and some oh-so-scandalous shoulders, there was nothing remotely porn like about the first episode. The 2nd episode might prove a bit different, but I'm just not sure.
Another reason I think people are having so many problems is our cultural climate. I mean, come on, our country was founded by a bunch of prudes who thought Europe was having too much fun to make God happy. But things change. I'm hesitant to call anything on MTV art anymore, but this show has potential if it lives up to its UK counterpart. Hell, I've seen British TV movies that showed rape and what would be considered softcore porn in this country.
This whole thing has gotten way out of control, as far as I'm concerned. I'll watch the seond episode once it's online and may have more to say, but so far, my thoughts are that if you don't like it, change the damn channel.
A co-worker of mine, who typically falls on the left side of the aisle, Is appalled by the show...though I seriously doubt he's ever seen an episode. He had a similar reaction when Katy Perry was to appear on Sesame Street. I'm sorry, but when's the last time a toddler saw some cleavage and thought about sex? But I'm getting off track.
The biggest problem people espouse to have is that they're using real teenagers to play the characters, as opposed to the 20-somethings that normally fill those roles. I like it. I think there's something raw about it. And real. These kids aren't remembering what high school was like: they're living it.
This isn't the 1950's. Even then, people were having sex in high school and smoking pot. But the show isn't "condoning it" as I've been told it is. It's simply stating a fact. I think my boss and co-worker were a bit surprised when I told them that t reminded me so much of my time in high school. People having sex, popping pills, smoking pot, partying, sneaking home the next morning, suicide, overdoses; those were just facts of life. I didn't go to some white-bread suburban school. I experienced the real world at a young age. Were mistakes made? Of course. But you live and you learn.
Now, apparently, the producers are being charged with child porn? Other than a few kisses and some oh-so-scandalous shoulders, there was nothing remotely porn like about the first episode. The 2nd episode might prove a bit different, but I'm just not sure.
Another reason I think people are having so many problems is our cultural climate. I mean, come on, our country was founded by a bunch of prudes who thought Europe was having too much fun to make God happy. But things change. I'm hesitant to call anything on MTV art anymore, but this show has potential if it lives up to its UK counterpart. Hell, I've seen British TV movies that showed rape and what would be considered softcore porn in this country.
This whole thing has gotten way out of control, as far as I'm concerned. I'll watch the seond episode once it's online and may have more to say, but so far, my thoughts are that if you don't like it, change the damn channel.
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